


Never Make Eye Contact While Eating A Banana

by thewherethefislouisface (theycallmelolo)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 12:29:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3851011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theycallmelolo/pseuds/thewherethefislouisface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson's life basically changes the day he watches Harry Styles "eat" a banana in the office break-room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Make Eye Contact While Eating A Banana

**Author's Note:**

> This is just complete silliness and fun! Hope you enjoy!!

Louis hits the exit door, hearing it echo in the small stairwell corridor. There is exactly sixteen steps. Sixteen steel steps that separate the fourth floor from the fifth. He’s not sure when he actually counted. Sometime within the last three months and twelve days.

It’s sick. And Louis knows it.

But see Louis figures it’s not really his fault. He pays the monthly five dollar kitchen fee just like _everyone_ else on his floor. It’s not his fault that some three months and twelve days ago he walked into the break room at exactly 8:15 in the morning to make his morning tea in his cow mug (complete with utters and all) only to find the tea drawer empty. Well not completely empty. Only the shit tea that no one really drinks left. You know that shit mint and lavender. Who in the fuck drinks that?

Look, there is no way Louis can suffer through a day in this stuffy office, with way too little sunlight and too small cubical spaces, without his favorite tea in his ridiculous mug.

It’s brilliant really. At least that’s what he tells himself as he grabs his mug and walks down to the fourth floor. He’s Sales on the fifth floor. Always been great at talking shit and getting people to eat it up. Creative is on the fourth floor. Aren’t they posh as shit.

The setup is the same on every floor, so he finds the fourth floor break-room easily.

Now all he’s got to do is get in, grab the tea and get out.

See, that was the fucking plan.

Open the tea drawer.

Grab the tea.

And fucking go.

That was until he walked in and found the most obscene thing one Louis Tomlinson has ever seen.

It’s a curly hair guy sitting at the table next to a blonde bloke with a thick Irish accent and wonky taller dude with creepy hair--even creepier smile. But fuck those two. It’s the curly hair guy with wide eyes and even wider smile that catches Louis attention.

The shit part is the three guys pay him no attention as he walks over to the drawer to ransack their tea. Louis first instinct was to be stealthily about stealing tea from the fourth floor. But now it sort of pisses him off that he’s going unnoticed…because today he is wearing those tight dress pants that make his ass look flawless and a baby blue dress shirt that makes his eye pop.

He slowly fills up his cow mug with hot water from the cooler before plopping in his favorite tea to seep for a few. He turns around to check on the table, waiting for them to react to his presence.

When he looks up he finds the curly one holding a perfectly yellow and rather large banana.

The way the curly one is sizing up that banana should really be illegal.

No one looks at a banana like that unless they like dick. No one. That’s a fact.

Louis has to try not to laugh or moan. Or maybe both. But mostly moan.

Louis should really turn away and take his motherfucking tea back to his shitty little cubical but now he’s hooked.

The curly guy slowly unwraps the banana as he continues to look it up and down. Louis is certain this could actually be porn. Real life porn in the fourth floor break-room.

If Louis thought the peeling was bad, it has nothing on how his large tongue flicks out of his beautiful large mouth, before inserting half of the banana. Who in the fuck eats a banana like it a fucking dick?

Fuck!

Louis is hoping that he didn’t say the words out loud. Seeing how no one at the table turns his direction he figures he is safe. He watches with wide eyes as the guy softly closes his mouth around the banana and chews, slowly closing his eyes like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. If Louis’ dick twitches in his pants it’s not his fault. Really.

He should really walk away now. But there’s still half the banana left. Louis watches as the guys pink tongue dart out again before inserting the last half of the banana between his red plump lips.

_Does he even have a gag reflex?_

_Like a whole fucking banana in two fucking bites?_

_How is he even tasting the actual banana?_

_Is this just practice for sucking dick after work?_

Louis startles the other two gather up their phones and start to stand up from their chairs. The curly one follows by grabbing his cup and banana peel before walking out of the break-room leaving Louis slightly hard in his pants.

 

***

The first two months Louis had managed to keep his habit and/or obsession a secret. That was until the day Liam caught him opening the door to the stairwell with his mug in hand.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Liam had asked, puzzled look on his face.

“Nowhere. Fuck off.” Louis quickly answered before he shut the door in Liam’s face.

Louis had quickly learned that the three guys took their morning break from 8:10 to 8:25 every morning.

On the Dot.

A minute too early a minute too late Louis would miss the whole show.

That’s how it’s gone. Louis sneaking off to the break-room on the fourth floor every morning to watch a guy whose name he doesn’t even know deep throat a banana like it’s his job.

Sick. He knows.

 

***

Of course Liam had cornered, demanding that he tell him what he was up too. Of course Louis had caved.

_But Li you should see the way he eats bananas._

_I physically can’t look away_

_It’s not funny Li._

_I’m like obsessed. I need help._

_I think my dick is in love with his mouth._

Of course Liam being Liam he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and told Zayn.

The two of them had a laugh about Louis and his obsession with the guy they now dub “Banana Boy” or “BB” for short.

“How about asking him _his_ name?” Zayn rolled his eyes while taking a sip of his water.

“He doesn’t even know I exist.” Louis says, pouting over his salad.

The truth was that in the last three months, Banana Boy never even looked his direction.

The only thing Louis could figure is that Banana Boy is dense as shit or really so in love with his banana’s that he doesn’t notice someone staring at him _every_ morning.

“Plus, what would _I_ even say?” Louis asks. “Hey, I like the way you eat bananas. I like it _so_ much that I have to keep myself from jerking off at work.”

“Fuck Louis.” Liam says while chewing his sandwich. “Why are you like _that_?”

“I don’t know Liam.” Louis stares at him. “Here is a better question. Why are you so prude?”

“M’ not.” Liam frowns. “We’re at work. Some shit you just-just don’ttalk about in the office.”

“He’s just so-so fucking hot guys.” Louis drops his head into his hands. “And like he eats a banana like you don’t _even_ know. I know nothing about him. Half the time the other two do all the talking while he just stares at his bloody banana like-like it’s fucking gold. And I _still_ want to marry him and have all of his babies.”

 

***

 

“Rode the elevator with your boy today.” Zayn knocks on his cubical wall.

“Yeah?” Louis spins his desk chair to face Zayn. Probably faster than necessary. “How’d you know it was him?”

“Tall and brown curly hair.” Zayn says before adding. “He was holding a large banana in his hand. So I figured as such.”

“Did you stand close enough to smell him?” Louis laughs. “I bet he smells good.”

“ _Really_ Louis.” Zayn shakes his hand. “You’re sort of acting like an elementary student with their first crush. You’ve _talked_ to guys before. In fact I’m pretty sure you’ve fucked guys before. What’s the deal?”

Louis shakes his head.

“He’s like out of my league or something. I don’t know.” Louis runs his hands through his hair. “Not even sure he’s gay. Maybe he’s just super secure and really just loves large dick shaped bananas for breakfast.”

Hmmmm

“Anyways, Liam wants to do lunch down at The Deli.” Zayn knocks twice on the cubical wall before turning on his heals.

“Sounds good.” Louis turns back to his desk to continue his sales spreadsheet for this quarter.

“He’s name is Harry.” Zayn calls out while walking away.

 

***

Apparently fate has decided that it is a two show type of day for Louis.

Liam, Zayn and Louis are sitting at a table enjoying their lovely lunch at The Deli when Louis looks to his left, spotting an all too familiar mop of curls.

“You have to be kidding me.” Louis moans.

It’s no other than Harry (along with the other two) a large foot-long sub sitting in front of him.

“What’s up?” Zayn asks while turning his head in Harry’s direction. “Ahhh I see.”

“What?” Liam asks.

“It’s banana boy at nine o’clock.” Zayn laughs.

Zayn, Liam and of course Louis are watching as Harry picks up his lunch. Eyeing the twelve incher like it’s a fucking massive cock he’s about to pleasure and bring to climax.

“Don’t do it.” Louis whispers. “Don’t you do it!”

Harry’s pink tongue slips between his wet lips. He opens his mouth wide but not before extending his tongue out as far as he can before inserting the hot sausage sub into his mouth.

“Holy shit.” Zayn laughs. “He is literally deep throating a sausage hoagie in front of _us_. In front of _you_!”

“You weren’t joking.” Liam stifles a laugh before turning back to his food.

“Oh my God!” Louis whimpers.

Louis is a sick man. He can’t look away.

“You alright?” Zayn laughs.

“If by alright you mean having to keep from beating my dick until I get home than I guess I’m perfect.”

“Louis!” Both Zayn and Liam groan at the same time.

 

***

The ride on the bus was almost unbearable. Louis just wants to get home. His balls have been aching since lunch and his dick is almost desperate for human touch. Sadly. Even if it’s only his own hands.

Louis wouldn’t call it running.

Just walking fast.

Very fast, up his steps, to his apartment.

He quickly gets his boxers and pants off as he falls back onto his bed.

His dick is hard just at the thought of Harry’s mouth. Shit, it’ nice not having to come with the name “Banana Boy” on his lips. Now he can scream out Harry without feeling any sillier than he already does.

His hand is on his dick and it feels so nice to finally take care of himself.

Just the thought of his dick in Harry’s perfect mouth has him moaning a little too loudly.

Of course his thoughts don’t stop there. He imagines fucking into Harry’s mouth as he just takes it. Drooling, moaning and maybe even gagging a little.

Louis thoughts move to what it would feel like to have Harry’s large hands on his body. Running up and down his tight little tummy or spreading his ass cheeks open or fucking into Louis at a feverish pace.

The thoughts overwhelm him as he finds himself busting a rather large load all over his hand and tummy.

Louis cleans himself up and looks at his complexion in the mirror. He’s got to put an end to this weird game he’s got going on. It’s been months of jerking off to a guy he’s never even talk to.

Harry seems like a perfectly nice human being that has no idea the creepy guy from the break-room (not even the correct break-room) is jerking off to the thought of him almost every day after work.

He’s going to ask Zayn and Liam if they want to go out of Friday. It’s time for Louis to fuck an actually human being rather than his own hand.

He pens a quick text message to Zayn and Liam:

_I need to get laid. Drinks after work tomorrow._

 

***

Zayn’s has taken Louis to a bar a few blocks from the office. Louis has down three shots in thirty minutes. It’s pretty much safe to say that he’s feeling warm and fuzzy. And loose.

“This-this a nice place.” Louis slurs as he turns to Zayn. “You’ve been here before?”

“Nah.” Zayn takes a sip of his beer.

“Oh.” Louis burps. “It’s nice.”

“Yeah.” Zayn laughs. “Heard Harry talking about coming here on the elevator. Figured no better time to try it out then today.”

“What the fuck Zayn?” Louis whips around. “Harry like _my_ Harry?

“Yeah. Pretty sure he’s been sitting a few tables down since before we got here. Surprised you haven’t noticed and all. Thought you’d have some sort of _Banana Boy_ radar and all.”

Louis turns to look and sure enough he spots Harry sitting next to boys from the break-room as they laugh, drink and munch on nachos. Harry looks fabulous in his plain tee having only ever seen him in a dress shirt and tie each day.

Louis swallows as he watches Harry take a sip of his drink, he can’t help but notice the way Harry’s throat looks swallowing. Before Louis can even stop himself he can’t help but think of Harry actually swallowing him down. All the way down.

Oh for fucks sake.

“I’m going to go over there and say hi.” Zayn starts to move from the booth. “Maybe I’ll even invite them over to sit with us and stuff.”

“Zayn.” Louis starts. “Please. Just-just sit back down.”

“Nope.” Zayn starts walking away but not before turning back to Louis. “Look we all work for the same company just different floors. It’s not weird to know your co-workers and stuff. It’s not my fault you’re too chicken shit to do it yourself.”

“Fuck.” Louis says, before taking a big gulp of his drink.

 

Zayn is making it look easy as he chats up Harry and the other two. He’s sitting with them now while they share a few laughs like they’ve been friends for years. Louis is suddenly realizing he’s not drunk enough for this. He flags down the waitress for two more shots.

“Where is Zayn?” Liam asks as he walks up to the table, a drink in hand.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Louis slurs.

“Just got here. Pretty packed.” Liam slides in next to Louis. “Nice place.”

“Zayn is down there _chatting_ it up with Harry.” Louis bites his lip. “Harry’s probably already falling in love with his brown eyes and pretty _fucking_ face.”

“Wait.” Liam chuckles. “Harry is here?”

Before Louis can answer he looks up to see not only Zayn but all three boys walking his direction. Louis turns his attention to Harry’s who is wearing skinny jeans and boots. He looks hot. Sinful even. It’s terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.

Louis does what any person in his situation would do, he quickly takes his eyes off Harry, darts out of the booth, walking quickly to the bathroom.

 

 

Louis can do this. He can walk back to the table. He sit down. He can be funny and witty. He can be fucking normal for once.

When Louis turns the corner to head back to the booth he finds himself walking smack into a taller person.

“Oh.” Louis looks up to find the tall wonky guy staring down at him.

They sort of stare at each other for a moment, neither one talking or looking away.

The tall dude breaks first. “I’m on to you.” He says.

Shit. Louis is pretty sure he’s been caught and well that’s slightly mortifying. Pretty sure he’s going to be blacklisted at work, like the crazy creepier he really is.

“Oh.” Louis manages to say.

“You don’t work in our department but you think its okay to come down and steal our tea _every_ day.” He says.

“I’m-I’m—“Louis starts before he is interrupted.

“I was going to complain to HR seeing how you don’t pay the break-room fee on _our_ floor. You’re stealing our tea but of course Harry stopped me before I did.”

“Oh?” Louis sounds a little shocked.

“Something about you ‘having the nicest ass he’s ever seen’ or something.”

“What?” Louis smiling now.

“Won’t fucking ask you your name but has no problem fonding over your ass while you stir the tea you’ve just stolen.”

“He thinks I have a nice ass?” Louis eyes grow wider.

“It’s all he fucking talks about.” He says, looking unimpressed.

“It is pretty nice though.” Louis bites his lip, trying not to smile any wider.

“I mean it’s whatever I guess.” He starts. “My name’s Nick.”

“Louis.”

“Well Louis looks like Zayn’s done most of the dirty work so should we go back to the table now?” Nick suggests. “Maybe the both of you can finally talk to each other this time.”

 

 

An hour and too many shots later Louis finds himself sitting at the booth alone with Harry. The rest of the group is either playing pool or chatting it up with other people at the bar.

It had been a slightly awkward hour of looking at Harry, only to quickly look away when they make eye contact. Harry just keeps smiling at him…flashing his dimples and his big white teeth.

Someone once told Louis that when they started producing Goldfish crackers (like the ones you feed small children) with smiles on their face it freaked people out to find a full bag of smiling Goldfish crackers (because if people smile too much they can appear to be a little unstable). Needless to say they decided on only having half the bag of Goldfish smiling. Harry keeps smiling. Louis is beginning to wonder if the company was really on to something there. Or maybe Harry’s just a big fucking creepier. Let’s be honest Louis has no room to talk.

 

Now they are both alone. Too many shots, Louis’ filter is pretty much gone at this point.

“Why do you eat your banana like it’s a fucking hard penis?” Louis blurts out.

Harry just looks at him with wide eyes before a smile starts to form on his pretty fucking face.

“Do I?” Harry snorts, a shocked look spreading across his face. Louis is pretty sure he’s mocking him now.

“Fuck off.” Louis moves closer to Harry on the booth. “You have to know what it looks like when you eat a fucking banana.” Louis pokes him in the chest. “You’re fucking obscene is what you are. With your long tongue and huge mouth.”

Harry bites his bottom lip before looking down at his hands. Now wrapped around his drink.

“You have the nicest ass I’ve ever seen.” Harry says, his cheeks turning a pleasant shade of pink. “Ugh, sorry that’s-that’s...well its true.”

Louis’ face drops and he’s trying to keep from blushing just like Harry. Louis looks up to find Harry chewing a piece of ice like he is about to fight someone. Louis hopes that someone is him.

His jaw is obscene. Kissable. Bitable.

“I’m done with you.” Louis says. “You’re fucking ridiculous. You only want me for my ass.”

Louis starts to move out of the booth. “Shit, I’m way too drunk.” Louis tries to whisper but it comes out loud. Very loud.

Louis not sure where he’s heading but it’s far away from Banana Boy and his fucking mouth.

Harry catches Louis’ wrist before he can get away. His long fingers have no trouble wrapping around his tiny delicate wrist. It should make Louis feel silly but it doesn’t. Harry’s fingers are soft and his skin warm. Louis stares down at the point of contact before swallowing and blinking.

“Hey.” Harry smiles but not letting go of Louis wrist. “If you think about it-it’s perfect actually.”

“What?” Louis asks, tilting his head to the left.

“You like my mouth and I like your ass.” Harry steps closer to Louis before whispering in his ear. “How I see it we’re a match made in heaven.

Louis feels a shiver run up his spine as his drunk brain takes a minute to realize just _what_ Harry is implying.

“You’ll have to buy me dinner first.” Louis tries to pull away, their bodies are still touching. Tight and close. Louis is certain he can feel Harry’s dick against his hip.

“I can do that.” Harry smiles wide pressing his body harder against Louis hip. “I can definitely do that.”

 

 

It’s Monday. Louis slept through his alarm. He ran out of hot water five minutes into his shower. He missed the bus by about twenty seconds. On top of all that’s gone wrong Louis wondering if he should make his way down to fourth floor or not. He’s not sure how much Harry actually remembers from Friday. Seeing how both of them were drunk off their asses.

It’s not like they actually did anything. They just flirted a little and Harry happened to suggest a date. If Louis being honest, he really wants that fucking date. He’s just not sure if Harry’s remembered his offer

Louis’ ride on the elevator is painfully slow. He’s hoping he can sneak in before anyone important notices his lateness.

Louis’ happy as he reaches his cubical having not seen anyone in the hallway. He places his bag down and pulls out his chair only to notice a small black box with the words _Oakmont Bakery_ written on top. A small envelope placed neatly next to the box.

He looks around before slowly opening the box. Louis is pretty sure he licks his lips when he sees the mini pie in the box. He can smell the bananas right away. He cannot help but have a taste of the white, very delicious looking cream on top. He uses his pointer fingers to have a small taste.

Louis opens the envelope that’s accompanies the yummy treat.

**“Can’t wait for you to get a taste of my banana’s cream….pie!**

**Dinner tonight?”**

Louis walks out of his cubical towards the stairwell door, taking the sixteen steps to go find his boy.

 


End file.
